Funny From Above
a chronicle of self-indulgence and The End
                              by DarthBobo



A couple of weeks ago Pharaoh brought us word of the final seven
challenges from the Stranger.  The citizens gathered around to see how
they would be tested.  As Pharaoh recited the list more and more
people drifted off as they discovered that the tests were meant only
for the elite.

When Pharaoh finished he was left with an enthusiastic, but small,
crowd.  The rest of the population, having a solid grasp of
statistics, knew that 50% of all people are below average, and with
rewards only going to the top 1%, they had better things to do with
their time.  They went back to their looms, crops, and herds (the
sheep and vineyards demand constant attention).

I, on the other hand, had projects of my own.  I was developing the
next generation of piebuchet.  With the Intercontinental Ballistic
Piebuchet, I would be able to deliver sticky humor to the most distant
corner of Egypt.  No one would be safe from my funny: not Pharaoh, not
the Stranger.

...

Months have passed.  Work on the monuments is complete, except for
Thought.  Thought has no Oracle.  Despite being the only test of the
final seven that was not limited-pass the test of the Sphinx seems to
have defeated Egypt.  A shortage of resources, creative energy, and
enthusiasm managed to prevent anyone from passing the test.  Idnic was
closest with 12 passing riddles.

Yesterday the Stranger was sighted heading toward a University of
Progress.  Fleet-footed Bedouins brought word that Pharaoh was on the
steps awaiting the arrival of his six oracles.

I knew my time had come.  I ran as fast as my oversized shoes would
let me to reach the UProgress and set up my gag.

Pharaoh was waiting on the steps playing Tug against the conflict
Oracle, and losing badly.  The crowd grew.  Everyone knew that the
monument of Thought was a no-show and wanted to see how Pharaoh would
handle losing his wager with the Stranger.

Eventually Egypt's bogeyman shuffled into view on the horizon and the
crowds murmers grew.  When his staff finally clicked on the paving
stones of the courtyard the crowd grew silent.  Devalin yelled out "Go
Stranger" and started waving a sign, but Egypt doesn't have the First
Amendment so that chump got a blanket party.

When the Stranger reached the bottom step he stretched out a finger to
point to Pharaoh and said:

"Hah hah!  Sucker.  You lose.  You said Egypt was united, but when
faced with sacrifices that would not benefit them personally, they
turned away.  When faced with challenges that unity could overcome,
they divided.  Your oracles are loyal and industrious, but the rest of
your society has decided that it has better things to do than help you
win a bet with me."

Pharaoh countered "One monument.  One monument is missing and you mock
us.  Look upon these works and deny with a straight face that my
people are great.  Your Test of the Sphinx was designed to be
impossible".

"YOUR people?" the Stranger snorted as he ascended the stairs.  "These
people are their own.  They have turned their backs on your
challenges.  For all the learning YOUR people have done and the
research YOUR people have sponsored, they still can not master
Thought.  Can't come up with enough riddles?"

As the stranger began his next sentence, I knew the time was right.  I
pressed the button on my remote control and ploughed my shoulder into
the citizen in front of me.  

"I have a riddle for you, Pharaoh", the Stranger said as my assault
started a wave of human dominos.

Somewhere in the pile I could hear Rehpic asking "Whose chin is in my
spine?".  I stomped toward the steps, heedless of the enormous
bruises my shoes were putting on the backs of my fellow Egyptians.
You gotta suffer for humor, and by "you", I mean you, not me.

I yelled at the top of my lungs "No, Stranger.  I have a riddle for
YOU!".  

He turned to find out what the commotion was about and queried
"What?".

"How much slapstick does the Stranger wear?" I practicaly screeched.

He had a look on his face that said "who is this dork with the white
hair?"  The oracles of Architecture and Conflict had read the sky and
figured out what was about to happen.  They dragged Pharaoh and the
Art oracle toward the university doors as fast as they could.



The pie I had launched from the ICBP landed square on target and
slammed the Stranger to the ground.  The oracle of Body got the worst
of the splash damage and was heard to exclaim "Huglp!  I can't sgwim!"

I delivered the punch line as fast as I could: "About 2000 deben";
because the crowd was beginning to sort itself out.  I could hear Teao
somewhere underfoot growling "If you do not get off me I am going to
bounce your big red nose to a PULP".

I flopped up the steps of the university, pausing briefly to draw a
smiley face on the pie-covered stomach of the Art oracle.  The crowd
was close on my heels and throwing bits of pie.  I burst through the
doors of the university and narrowly dodged a tackle from Pharaoh.

As I ran through the chemistry lab I frantically typed in new
coordinates to my piebuchet remote control.  Several acrobats were
leaping over the tables in hot pursuit.  I dove out a window in the
back of the University and ran as fast as I could.  I could see the
shadow of my second piebuchet shot approaching.

The acrobats were just coming through the window when the monstrous
pie impacted, so they ended up stuck in a mass of garlic pie filling.
I got a considerable amount of it splashed on myself as well.  The
reek of garlic was enough to empty the university and I disappeared
into the desert unpursued.


I stopped by the Karnak sphinx and entered one last riddle for the
Stranger: "Who's your Daddy?"